Forward Motion

I'm sure I've written a post similar to this before, but that's because its such a big part of life. Motion. An object in motion stays in motion. whatever something is doing, it wants to keep doing it. I don't know about you but I am an EXTREME creature of habit. I always have pepperoni on my pizza (and pick off half of it), my coffee order has been the same since my very first order. When it comes to ice cream, I always choose chocolate over fruit- actually I choose chocolate over fruit no matter what. I like being home, I like talking to the same people and going to sleep in my own bed. New things trigger tiny bursts of anxiety inside of me. So adjusting to motherhood was a challenge (even though its what I always wanted) and then, trying to adjust to being a mother of two under 2 had proven to be a very big challenge. I find myself more often than not choosing to stay home, inside where its "easiest" to keep up with the littles. The thought of trying to do things paralyzes me, they are my biggest excuses not to do something (if there's an excuse, i'm guaranteed to find it- another habit of mine) I so quickly forget about my strengths and dwell on my weaknesses. I forget that my life has a grand purpose outside the walls of my home. I am to trust the promises of my heavenly father.
As much as my inner introvert desires stillness and sameness, my restlessness is growing obnoxious and my two year old is dying for something exciting- but my anxiety hasn't steadied any, and my two year olds listening skills haven't improved.. This is exactly where the enemy wants me, down and discouraged.
But lately, my convictions have been too loud to ignore. As a Christian I know the truth, and that should be all the motivation I need to get up and get out.
"go and make disciples of nations" - commanded the Lord. How can I go and do anything if I can't even get myself up and out of the house? I've got to swallow by pride and confront the fears.

Sunday, I acted on a loud and long lasting conviction-  I went to church. I left my oldest at home with the husband. I cried on the way there and shed a few tears at random during the service. I fought back tears while introducing myself to other people and held back my "poor pitiful me" sob story when they asked how I was doing. (we can save that for the second meeting lol) It was hard, but I did it.
You make think its a silly thing to feel proud about, but for me- its a grand accomplishment. baby steps
I think I'm scared that God is going to call me out of my comfort zone... actually I know he will. Nothing great was ever done within the zone of comfort. - terrifying!
but, how incredible. We were all given breath in our lungs for a reason. We have different talents and desires to use for the glory of God. One person can't possibly impact the entire world  but each individual is equipped with the tools to impact some and if each individual reaches some then together the goal is to reach all - to reach nations, If he is all he claim to be then I should have nothing to fear!! I just want to practice what I preach, I want to allow God to work through me. I need to remove all the junk- all the friction slowing me down and follow my heart.

Change my course of action so that it lines up with your perfect will. Make me a creature of heavenly habits.  I'm all in.

In other non preachy news. we went to the park because this mama was all like " hey! todays is a great day to strap on the bean, throw the tot in the stroller. headphones in and a podcast on, lets keep a pace and soak up some vitD" hahaha right. because today would be the day Loretta doesn't want to be in the tula and  seriously, whats the point in having a stroller if you have a kid that can walk on their own... and stop every 3 minutes... Woosah at least we made it out of the house for a little bit.