I had an epiphany.
It led me to a blog post after years of being dormant.
It left me fired up and refilled with inspiration.
Dusted me off.
Just sprinkled me in motivation!
I couldn't keep it to myself.
My kids act their worst at our home, around me
because I act my worst at home, around them.
If this quarantine has taught me anything about myself its that I'm still not the me I want to be.
I end my days in bed mulling over what I didn't do, what I should have done. a midnight swim down regret river. can you relate?
But last night I caught a break, a branch extended in the river. that branch led me to a calm place. a mirror in a still pool of clear waters and I could see it.
I could see me in a different light.
My emotions have begun to run rapid and my actions are have become more rage and reactions rather than loving responses. Its exploding in my face.
But my all loving Lord hears me cry out in the night and comes to me. He gives me a break exactly when I needed it. Asking me why I took so long to call.
All is not lost. one moment gone wrong won't equal one day ruined. I won't stay defeated. I cannot afford it. Four (yes, FOUR we'll get into that another post) kids watch me. Now with this lock down me and their father are the sole role models in their little developing lives. Thats significant. They absorb the details of our actions, especially Liberty, who is honestly too smart and too insightful for her own good at this point. ha! The girl keeps me in check.
We're learning together, forgiving each other and we're (hopefully)growing from our mistakes.
Isn't that what its really all about? Life is learning. I'm really resting in that.
Im happy with this not so new found perspective. Refreshed. Refurbished and really to tackle the next day of home confinement . Lord help us all, seriously. We need it.
Search me oh God and know my heart. Try me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there be any hurtful way in me and lead me into the everlasting.
