I Miss You

because its late, I can't sleep and because he consumes my every thought lately, I figured I'd write about my husband. He's the one my soul was born to search and find. My only true regret in life thus far would be not knowing him longer, not becoming his wife sooner.  When he asked me for the first time. That afternoon in his bedroom when we were 18. My eyes were closed and he had just placed two diamond studs in my ears, then he fastened a bracelet to match on my wrist. "open your eyes" He said. I will never forget that day, or the look on his face when my eyes opened. A face only he could make. god i love his face There he was standing in front of me, the man of my dreams! about to ask me the biggest question I'd ever have to answer.  He had just enlisted in the army, about to leave everything he's ever known for basic training and asking me to be his wife. He needed me...
   I'd only known him a year, if that, but he had won me over since day one. We met at a high school football game. We connected and it was powerful, but we were also young and still so reckless.
    In not so few words, I said no to him. I said no to my gutt . we cried and we said goodbye. . For years we watched each others lives pan out via social media. Sometimes things were sweet and sometimes they were sour. We each experienced other relationships and in between, he would let me know when he was coming home. We never stopped yearning for one another. We were soul mates.
   Unfortunately, like most things in life I had to learn this the hard way. I had to find myself, really it took a lot longer than i thought, to be completely honest I dont think Im done. I believe some people are just born knowing who they are and the others, well we take a bit more persuading.  But its nice to finally be to be here, now, enjoying the journey. those years without him were so brutal and unkind.  I hit what any 23 year old at the time and given situation would call "rock bottom". I remember a strong desire to talk him. I longed for him so badly, but it had been a good two years since we had spoke, i honestly couldn't even remember if we were on good terms or not. I just knew I needed him. I sent a text to the only number I've ever known him to have "Cody" . I will Never forget his speedy reply. "Hello Beautiful"  excuse me while i type the rest of this through tears. 

Two months later he came home on leave and asked me if I was going to marry him yet. A month later we got married in a river on a sunny afternoon in July. Moved to Texas in January, got pregnant in February and became parents to our daughter Liberty Grace in November. He deployed 5 short months later and here we are now, 2 months away from being reunited. Im kinda freaking out.

The Freshly Wedded Whites

I miss him. I miss him so much its starting to hurt, I cannot wait to have him back in my life.  How am I supposed to get through these days that linger between us... They feel like the slowest days and the longest nights. Much like the nights before he left, but at least I had him there to hold tight those nights.

I want to spend all my yesterdays and all my todays and all my tomorrows with you. this life and the next and if there is a next. each time finding each other sooner than before. i will never grow tired of loving you.

Real Talk

I've been in a strange mood lately. The cheery Christmas spirit comes and goes. I want to do everything and nothing at all.  I dont really know what to do with myself, I can't seem to find motivation to do much of anything. anything of importance that is  Sometimes spontaneity gets the best of me and we end up somewhere doing something..   I've got too many thoughts racing about.. good and bad. happy and sad. all at once all the time. 

Each day is just a day closer to being back with Cody. My mind is so far ahead of my body at this point...

coffee understands

I feel so vague. if thats even a feeling 

Thank God for this girl right here ^^^^^ she keeps me on my toes & she loves me no matter what.  She shines through the dull moments. my constant reminder to "lighten up"  . the Lord knew exactly what he was doing when he chose me to be the mother of this soul and he timed it just perfectly. I couldn't imagine doing this without her.