I'm in a rut. what else is new
I don't know if it's all the recent days of gloom. The lack of sleep or the postpartum. It could be the aftermath of adding a newborn to the almost impossible task of trekking through the terrible twos with nothing but caffeine and a whole lotta grace... a combination of it all most likely. Or maybe it's the fact that I've been beating myself up over my poor blog maintenance, I've seriously neglected it long enough to get pregnant & have a now 2 month old (along with the 2 year old). whatever it is, I've just been sitting here in this muddy pit for a bit. So I decided, that whenever I had the tiniest bit of free time, I'd use it to write. What could it hurt? I mean, its my blog right. What does it matter how I start back up again, as long as I do it. That's what it all boils down to anyways- actually doing it ( whatever "it" may be) Am I right?
Writing.. journaling. getting it out! It feels gooood. It's healthy.
Amusing.. when I read back on my previous posts and think to myself - wow i'm always writing about the same stuff. the same ups and the same downs. give or take a few variables. but really, its a never ending pattern. life man, life. were all just here trying. over and over.
What I have noticed, is that most of my lows stem directly from me straying off from my walk with God. When I don't pray, its leads to not reading my Bible or devotionals.. which in tales not much fellowship with others... yada yada. it snowballs quickly.. If I decided to stop communications, things tend to get a little slummy. The entire time I'm down I walk around with this cloud, this rain cloud of conviction. I hear him. consciously . you think its your conscience talking to you, your "gut". no. its God. asking, begging, almosting demanding to be noticed. A creator, a father just dying for a relationship with us. "just talk to me. trust me."
If I'm being honest here, this post is taking me more than just some spare time to finish up.. I have no real reason for this post... therefore I don't really have an end for it.. unless it decides to become something from here on out until the random, abrupt end..
The suns been shining so I've been smiling. I'm absolutely a solar powered person. I've started 1 Corinthians, at His persistent request of course, also intend to open up Mathew and Mark.
Love. love is the answer. love is what its all about. the Lord Jesus Christ came to this world to be a living example of love.. to give us all the tools to fight our flesh and live the most righteous life possible.
So this week...and all the rest to follow, my goal will be to perpetuate love. I'm to be a living example of love. No, I'll never be perfect, but that's not even the goal. the goal is to l o v e . Love the way the Lord intended. Just imagine the world if everybody lived love.
J u s t a t h o u g h t .
