Yesterday morning, all afternoon ... into the evening anger festered inside me. By bed time it was all consuming. I was hung up on my car being ransacked over a month ago.. like "how dare someone steal from me". I was mad at my two year old for well, everything. I was angry that my cabinet project was taking a bazillion times longer than I had anticipated, I mean cant they just paint themselves?! Mad at our dogs existence- what else is new. Just angry at everything because FUCK! ever been in one of those moods? I get there more frequently than I would like.. but last night as I tried to spew out my rage induced rant my husband quotes Yoda. Yes, Yoda. " Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."
BOOM -conviction- It's not my anger I need to work on. It's deeper. Its my fear. I am afraid of so much. From paralyzing social anxiety, to the fear of surrender, afraid of not being in control. I find it hard to believe all that awaits me after a life of surrender and that is why I fail. But failure is an event, not a person. I'm always beating myself up for being a shitty mom, wife, friend, daughter... a lukewarm Christian...
"we can replace the CD's and audio cables." he said, Liberty will grow and learn, the cabinets will get done. My husbands quick thinking brought me back, it really helped me to refocus on what matters.
You don't have to be fluent in faith to see that Star Wars in dripping in spiritual truths. The force is real and I call him Father. I think I'll go watch the whole movie now :)
Focus on Faith.
