Here We Go Again

We're leaving this place soon. Leaving a whole lot sooner than expected. thank you army for always keeping us on our feet..... The trip lacks the details and thinking about the drive fills me with dread.    liberty, the cat, our things, my plants...one vehicle 19 hours of driving...HOW?! i cant even... There is SO much to do in such a short amount of time... but I keep the end result in mind >> TOGETHER AT LAST<<  I have to keep it fresh, keep it number one priority. Remembering that everything will fall into place, as it always does. Jehovah Jireh
I will not consume myself with worrisome thoughts. I will let go of the need to control the uncontrollable. I will prepare myself for the things to come the best I can and I will continue to pray. I will breath. 
We are so close to kicking this deployment in the ass.

Now that I have a dateish for his homecoming and the outlines of a plan, things are sinking in. 
Things are happening! of course it has to come all at once..
oh  life, the games you play.. i will not worry i will pray. 

So the phone broke yesterday, okay well, I carelessly dropped it, dropped it goood and now its like "nope". I only had myself to be mad at.. sooo I decided not be. I let the anger rise and fall. Is it inconvenient? yes. Does it suck? yep.    I CAN'T EVEN USE INSTAGRAM -dead- Is it like, the worst timing ever? oh yeah, who knows when I'll be able to take another picture, but im just gonna go with it.. because really, what else can I do. Respond>React a perfect time to practice it. Maybe it's another one of the many signs God has been sending me, telling me to slow down..  I will listen.  That and this damn retrograde... both of which are much bigger than myself. Powerful, unstoppable forces are at work here. I am done trying to argue with it all. I am quiet now and I am listening. 

We got a few good days of travel in over the past week. Raleigh to Greenville and back home. It was spontaneous and needed. I was able to hug some very good friends whom I haven't seen in a while. In Raleigh we spent a few cherished days with my bestest friend ever. The girl I met when I was 11, the girl who became the other shoe to my pair within hours of that first meeting. We drank super strong coffee, got lost in long overdue conversations and ate so much too much good food. mostly breakfast food cause we're hobbits at heart. We laughed a lot. We went to the mall like we did as teenagers, Liberty was such a trooper. We talked about how trippy it was that we were hanging out, as adults, with my kid... I got to go to a real LUSH store, so many smell good things!!  I bought stuff and didn't have to pay shipping! what a treat!! woohoooo!!
In Greenville we got to see two more dearly cherished friends. We hiked some pretty sweet wooded trails in the sunshine, ate bagels and stumbled upon landfills.

     Pictures of the trip right up until a few moments before the death of phone. 

one pair of shoes and a baby.

i think she was trying to tell us it was a landfill the whole time ^^^

"i think we've lost the trail"

"go climb that hill thing and scope it out"

 Liberty and I took advantage of every rest stop area & all the last bits of sunshine during our travels.

 A pit stop at the ever so creepy South of the Boarder.  ^^^^

because somebody was being a crybear. 

Liberty Lately ( & a lot of photos)

 You walked up to me this morning chanting "eesh. eesh" in the cutest damn voice ever and your teeny finger pointed to the kitchen.  I got up and followed you asking " que tu quieres?" trying to get that spanish in there as much as possible..  Pointing right at the cabinet hiding the Goldfish you begin the chant again. So of course my brain makes the connection and I grab the bag of "eesh". You start to dance.  I place a few "eesh" in your tiny hand, you "tanks" me and return to the 1378963728th viewing of Elmos World: Food, Water & Exercise edition. How did you get this grown?? I mean we hang out ALL THE TIME yet somehow, without me even realizing it you became a little kid. 

I think it happens while we sleep at night... it must! I swear some mornings she wakes up looking different. some days she looks more like me, others like Cody. Its amusing to see the facial expressions she has inherited from us. Shes always so focused. So intentional. 

You know we don't go outside without our shoes and socks on.. You bring me "oosh & ocKs" (i cant even... ) and sit up in my lap raising one foot as to tell me "ready me for the days adventure mama!"
I'm convinced you are a wild animal at heart. Wanting nothing more than to be outside. Don't matter if it's sunny, cloudy, raining, cold, hot, or dark out. You want to be there. You want to chase the dogs, pick up sticks and dig in the dirt. You've discovered dragging your fingers through the sand and will spend significant amounts of time doing so. Narrating aloud the entire time. My heart explodes You sit contently and chat with the leaves and fallen pinecones. You run around with no place to be shouting about nothing & everything each step of the way.

doodle bug

Thank God for nap time ;) even if it only happens once a day. those one to two hours are gold. You wakes up refreshed, "appee!" and ready for the day round 2. 

 Once caged (brought inside). if you're awake...  you demand to be held or to "waaK" and thats just how you say it. With every muscle in your face. You put so much intention in pronunciation. "walK." and always ending with that strong "K" sound. Its the cutest, most annoying thing you do. right up there with your persistent "waTch" protest.  I'm worried the DVD will up and quit on us, im sure by now even its got to be sick of  hearing Elmo sing the water song " water water water, water waterr water, waterr water waterrrr"  Then you chime in. "wawa, waawaa". "quieres agua?" I'll ask.. "ya!" you chirp confidently. so we hunt down your sippie cup only for you to refuse it.. sometimes i don't get you kid.

I have to keep your shoes out of sight and when the grown-ups talk, we have to spell out words like   

. w a l k  &  w a t c h .

You are a ball of energy. You keep me on my feet girl. It's funny to think, but I believe you are that swift kick of motivation I've longed for.. Just another way God works our lives. He'll give you what you desire... In His own way, in His own timing... Remember that when you ask for things.

I love you baby girl.

Positive Reaction

Its been a while since my last posting.. To be honest, I just haven't really had anything nice to say and you know what they say about that...
This new year has already presented us with new & mostly frustrating obstacles. I'm having a tough time finding the proper balance through it all... No big surprise.  Balance is an element Cody brings to this relationship, to life.  He would quickly remind me, that no matter what we've got going on, we're better off than most of the population on the planet. - puts things in perspective right? Such a libra, gosh I miss all of him.
Me on the other hand, a total pisces raising a spot on scorpio...SCARY...it's easy to get caught up in it all.

I've watched my posts slowly take a gloomy plunge ... 

Incredible how strong the negative thoughts can come crashing in... relentless, they are endless. And oddly enough the weather always seems to match the mood. January hasn't been very forgiving in the lack of sunshine round these parts. Some days you just gotta make your own..

I'm trying  hard to learn the art of responding rather than reacting to the crummy crud life tosses my way. It's a slow,  moment to moment process..  Over time I'm learning that its worth it... With that being said, we got through the gloomy, gray days. I had my bad days and my moment of self pity. We got through the bad news and the unfortunate events.  And now we take it one day at a time.We learn to just live right here right now, just as we are.  because seriously, theres no need to take on more than that.  I wont beat myself up when I fail. I will learn from each experience and I will grow as I go. I want to display healthy life patterns for my daughter. Even at the fresh age of one she studies me, all the time.  She looks to me for guidance and reassurance. I want to give her a strong foundation on which to stand firm in a crumbling world. I want her to be an unstoppable, positive force amongst the overwhelming negativity swarming around. I want her to know God is everywhere, in everything and that there is still so much beauty and good in life, we just have to be still enough, wise enough to recognize it.

This past week I packed up our necessities, grabbed the cat and just drove and drove.. We made the journey down those clay roads. Far away, out of town. Until I got to my family's little piece of country. Not by choice, but surely for the greater good. And here we will be until the mister scoops us up. Out here, we have just what we need. Out here is kind and forgiving. Out here where the air is fresh. Out here we talk to horses. Here I am reminded to sit, breath and listen.  Out here I can breath.

shes so happy here.

 Sometimes it takes something dramatic (or in our case one little drastic event after another) to happen for us to step back and refocus on the things that truly matter to us.

Things are a little unsteady right now and thats okay. (or thats what im trying to convince myself)

God will get your attention one way or another. 
you can react quickly or you can stop. take a moment & respond to it. 
how you do will make a world of difference in your life.

Blurry Days

I'm still finding it difficult to get my thoughts out into words.. like when you wake up from a dream and you want to tell someone about it, even if its just your cat. And you can see it all perfectly played out in your mind but when you try to describe it.. well, it comes out all wrong, theres just too much, it sounds too weird...  ya that's kinda where I'm at these days.

SO  M U C H   R A I N lately. It's incredible how much it affects the mood of a day... so much blah..
The sun came out today & made us happy, so we took some selfies. Her personality is really blossoming. Her will is strong.  s c a r y  s t r o n g  . Her vocabulary is impressive. She is pretty impressive. Everything she does is calculated and intense.  This girl is literally the most intense characteristics of my husband and myself all balled into 20lbs of unstoppable cuteness. LORD HELP US She has started displaying acts affection! I'll be enjoying all the hugs & sloppy mouth kisses,  waitin' on mah man..

He comes home in less than 2 months!!! Then off to the "great place" we go.... until we move again... oh 2015 you have so much in store for us.

Better late than never.

 Zero expectations were had this holiday season. I decorated last minute. I didnt plan or make commitments to anything or anyone. I was unprepared and that was okay. I wasn't even really excited.  My holiday spirit must have been packed up along with everything else and locked up in that 10x10 climate controlled box in Texas...
I missed my husband and my daughter was sick.
Christmas eve, I don't know what happened exactly, but it was like my christmas spirit fought through all the inner muck and spoke up. it needed to celebrated. So with Sinatra Holiday on Pandora I baked a bunch of goodies and gifted up some pralines because I had decided we were now maybe going to leave the house tomorrow I even cut out a bunch of paper snowflakes. which by the way makes it looks like it snowed in the house  We stayed way up past bedtime to watched Christmas movies, eat cookies, drink hot cocoa and snuggle.

man, this was such a good idea

Prior to that eruption of jolly cheer Christmas Eve it had been raining for days. Grey skies. cold, heavy raindrops for days probably that entire week. I had a mood to match and was feeling a cold coming on...

But! At some point during my husband's family's Christmas day gathering I found myself outside by myself, eyes closed face towards the sun... "THE SUN" I smiled. The sun came out and shined bright enough to soak up the puddles, chase away clouds and get us out of the house. The sky was that perfect shade of blue. It was like the rain had never been here! I knew at that moment, that it was Gods gift to me, the sunshine on that day. It shook me from the blah. It was the sunshine that got us out to enjoy precious moments with loved ones.
   Thank God for sunshine, it works wonders. 

The day was sunny, slow and sweet. My dad surprised us all and made an appearance for the weekend. hands down, best gift I spent time with him. I ate some of the best home cooked southern brunch food and then I ate some more. I gave big, long hugs and shared lots of happy tears. I missed my husband.I watched the looks of wonder & joy beam from Liberty's face as she took everything in. I fell deeper in love with family members while I watched them interact with her. I didn't take nearly enough pictures but I drank plenty of many mimosas.

Oma, Nana & Liberty  

I loved her little red dress!

Daddy.

Oh yeah,  HAPPY NEW YEAR. 

another sunny day