MAN, past few days here have been rough. My fuse is short and my emotions are endless. My anxiety has my by the throat. The highs and lows of motherhood are something serious and then go ahead and add the nonstop rain, which keeps us inside because it makes mud and lots of it.. or in our case, here in middle tenn. sticky, wet clay, that no amount of soap will wash out of your clothes. play clothes here should just be called "clay clothes". it sucks, because even when its a beautiful day out - there's clay. it's practically undiggable and you know toddlers, they just want to dig in dirt. So what does she do? She finds the potted plants to play in... not much dirt left in those suckers- poor lil plants. and don't even get me started on the number of times shes dug up the potatoes I buried... and continue to bury..
Let's just add the icing to this cake of misery and talk about marriage and that emotional rollercoaster. it's like going 1000 miles an hour having the time of your life the you get hit in the face by a pigeon and the ride never stops. SHIT! I love that man, but if you ask me today, I'd say I'm so over it. It sucks that us (most, because some lucky ladies have found that rare magic gem of a man) women have to s p e l l out everything. like, "dude can you just hug me right now and tell me it will be okay?!" Even then, they don't get it. I guess it has a lot to do with godliness. If a man (or woman) is without God, than all he's left with is selfishness. There's no other purpose for living really, if its not for the glory of something greater than yourself. Not saying a godly man is a perfect man, I'm just saying he's probably got his priorities in order and has an easier time identifying the needs of others.
I pray my girls find themselves a God fearing man to love them the way they were intended to be loved. Never settle. I pray they are treated as queens, appreciated and adored every single day of their lives. I pray that they never forget their worth. They are more precious than gold. They are daughters of a King.
I know as the spiritual one in the relationship I am to be a light- a shinning example to him and all around me of the love of Christ.. I know this, yet daily I fail. Daily my flesh gets the best of me and my thoughts are controlled by bitterness. Christianity is, and must be constant. It is a way of life, not something you do occasionally, or when its most convenient You cannot pick and choose what to believe and when. God is very direct and most consistent.
Mama always told me the C in my name stood for Complain. I used to hate it when she would point it out, but now as an adult, I see and understand. I take ownership of it. It is one of my many flaws.
But mama also reminds me that Love keeps no record of wrong doing. hows that for some conviction. so yeah this post is not to drive you crazy on my train of complaints only to end up stuck on bitter mountain. Its simply to vent, to run it out and move on. It's to let you know your not alone in the struggles of everyday ordinary life Tomorrow is a completely new day and I refuse to let today take up any space in it. So, with that being said, I forgive my husband, now and always because its the right thing to do. I love him, flaws and all. It is what God does for me and he also does it daily. No one is perfect but love, just loves anyways.
End rant.
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