Forgetful & Forgiven

Already.. I find myself with a quicker temper. already I'm complaining.  I hear myself start sentences "I Hate ..it when or I hate it how.." I hate this house for its lack of natural light. I hate the nonstop barking of dogs and traffic. We're too close to the road. How can anyone live like this!? ... I can get pretty carried away. Like DANG how does it get so out of control so quickly?! And a voice says to me " where God is, evil will be also." It's a constant battle we are fighting here! Its why we put on the full armor of God. It gives us all the more reason to open up that bible every morning, even if we go back to that same verse everyday. Its why we constantly give thanks in the name of God so to make the enemy shudder with fear and take a step back. Glory to God each and every day I wake.
I find peace in the fact that I am aware of this, for the first time I feel like the voice convicting me of these nasty little behaviors is louder than the one talking about me myself and I. I am thankful. It feels good knowing that now, when I go to sleep I don't have to worry. I dont need drift off to dreamland scolding myself, only to wake up the next day feeling more worthless than the previous day all before my morning coffee. Instead I go to bed confident that I have purpose tomorrow and that I tried my best today. I may have not done it exactly right, the day may not have lived up to my expectations or plans, but when I lay my head on the pillow each night, its not weighed down by feelings of regret. I'm not replying the days failure reel. I accept that some days will be better than others. I thank God for another day given to me. Another day of good health. Another day happily married. Another day here, at home with the healthy little girl He gave me to raise. Every night I go to sleep knowing tomorrow is band new!  All I have to do is wake up, give God the glory and be me.
So here I am, giving it a genuine shot at being the best me I can be and giving all the glory to God.

When I turn my complaints around, for example instead of hating this house for lack of natural light or hating the floors for not being hardwood, I can be thankful for the fact that I can catch the sunrise each cloudless morning and open all the windows and doors on the back of the home so it floods the whole house with little rivers of light. Even if it only happens on cloudless mornings for a few hours I will live for it. I will be thankful for these tile floors because they could be carpet and we do not own a vacuum nor do we have money for one. I will be thankful for these tile floors remaining cool on hot summer afternoons.

When I sit on the cold tiles floors of my home, in a warm river of morning light let in by the wide open back door. I just breath. In and out. In and out. I become lost in a sea of thankfulness and so much peace. I'm learning to listen beyond the hammering, the traffic and dog barking. I can hear all the birds of spring. I threw Liberty's rejected and ripped up waffle on the back porch. Some days she eats them, other days it's for the birds!  they seem pleased with it.  I imagine them carrying it away off to their nests of dead grass, colorful threads from lawn cushions, plastic bag tearings and cotton, twigs and those almost too big sticks (you've seen those ambitious birds). I see the mama bird in her nest... nesting away.. as she readies the place for babies. babies who will eventually eat my baby's rejected and ripped up waffles.

It's easy to get caught up in everyday nonsense. We can be quick to forget about the strength of the simple or the absolute  power of faith. How wonderful are all His gentle, subtle and even the not so subtle reminders?! How great is His patience? His mercies are new with each day and the joy is everlasting.


These simple, sunny days spent together mean everything to me. It's on these simple, sunny days when I stop and think to myself "man, I've got it all" don't forget it.