Doctors Orders

This week was challenging, I'd say its was comparable to an inexperienced and out of shape shoe maker scaling a mountain, a snowy mountain, during a snowstorm, without a coat.

Last Sunday, the little and I both woke up feeling a bit under the weather. Monday didn't bring much relief. Liberty decided to manufacture snot like it was going outta style. I have never seen a nose run so much. I on the other hand, suffered from the opposite problem and dealt with serious fatigue and sinus headaches. Lets go ahead and add  teething to the list, and the diaper rash from hell that wouldn't clear up despite all my most genuine attempts.

if you know me, you know I hate going to the doctors. its not like I hate the person in the white coat with stethoscope in hand- they paid their dues, they went to school and im sure most of them genuinely care about your well being... but theres just something about going, waiting for 30 minutes, seeing a doctor for 10 minutes and then getting a bill in the mail for $160 that  makes me die a little inside. Fortunately for me, I rarely ever become ill, and on the off chance its time for my bi annual cold, I would much rather rest up, pop vitamin C, drink water & soak up sunshine. When all else fails, google holistic remedies.  Anything but go to the doctors.

Its no longer just me.

Ashamed to admit, but it got to the point where my mother had to step in after frustrating failed attempts to cure my child myself to remind me that it's not about me , its about my daughter and her health, her comfort, her quality of life. 

So sometimes, tho I cringe to say, when TLC and holistics fail, the situation calls for a professional. This situation just so happens to be called Liberty and the never ending rash. I swallowed my pride and took her to the doctors. She ended up being diagnosed with a double ear infection topped off with a yeast rash in her mouth and diaper.  They loaded us up with medicated butt cream and antibiotics to be administered 4-5 times daily for 7 to 10 days. 

Talk about discouraging....  

My mom reminds me that this is motherhood - it isn't always sunshine and giggles, also that she was here to help me. Her and I make a pretty good team because its not easy to hold down a banana hating, strong willed child and get her to swallow banana flavored antibiotics against her will.
 All I can do is hope you are getting enough, that this isnt all for nothing... I hate watching you in discomfort.  I hate pumping your tiny body with medicine. please get better soon.

What if I had waited longer to go seek professional help? What if I decided to go against my mothers judgment and not take her in at all... how bad would it have gotten? I know I'm not a bad mother, -after all I was trying . It just doesn't make me feel like a good one ... the thoughts hit me hard. 

God remindes me that sometimes, no matter how hard we try... we simply cannot do it without help,

I just know setting aside my selfishness and learning to push away my pride is going to be something I will struggle with again & again. If I conquer anything in this life I want it to be motherhood. She is my life now. The life God gave me to care for, body and soul. I want a life for her better than I can even imagine on my own. A life only God can help me give her. I admit that I struggle, I accept that my flesh is evil and strong, at times too strong for me to handle on my own. It requires a daily surrender over to God. It requires constant TLC. 

We will never be perfect, but we can be healthy and happy. Body and soul.

 and thats basically the same thing.