Gaining Ground

Let's get ourselves up and out of this valley. Climb on up to the mountain top and shout out victoriously because WE DID IT.
It doesn't matter that yesterday crumbled in the palm of your hands as you tried so desperately to keep it together.

Yesterday has been washed away.  - now is all we got an I cannot justify complaining about it.
  don't waste today.
 I own the ups and downs. I feel out of my mind.
Claim it proudly before anyone can stick it to you or label it. If your choices and truths seem upside down to the world around you than know you are doing it right. I don't have every answer but I swear when I need one it shows up. I'm moment to moment.  I move on feelings and energy. Deep in thought I approach everything. I feel everyone else's... I feel the environment
I FEEL THE EARTH, i feel the pain of her abuse, I feel the joy of her hope and if I let it, it consumes me.
energy sensitivity overload 24/7 Constantly lost in the moment, shaking it off or soaking it in.. on to the next...
Visually I feel like a submarine traveling deep through a sea of emotions - different emotions that continuously swirl about.... and I know there are more of you out there. I meet you, through a series of events & choices and connect I with you to my core. I don't know what this blog is anymore really. I'm not even sure what I set out to do with it in the first place... if anything at all. All I knew was that sometimes I needed a place to vomit words faster than I could jot down with pen to paper.  Its something for my girls perhaps. A documentation deeper than photographs and stories told over the dinner table... a way for them to hear me, maybe in a way they wouldn't otherwise have gotten a chance to,  - anything can happen at anytime and my mind goes there all the time. Its a note to self, a testimonial of a life given to Christ battling through sin and self. Sometimes when I go back and read entries they speak to me. in a way no one else can because... its me. I find growth and areas that need pruning.

THESE ARE MY CHRONICLES 

I don't really fit in anywhere, I never really have... and I don't mean that to que little violins and tug on heart strings, it just truth. I've come to terms with it, I wish I could tell my 14 year old self to make peace with it back then...I still don't quiet know why I am the way I am but putting my faith in the Lord sure points me in a general direction that I can confidently march in... I dabble here and there with them and those other guys. I gravitate to certain people and other times I'm shoved.  Im not everyones cup of tea, I'm random and unconventional. But here, when I type I fit in because this blog is mine, my own. Sometimes I forget people can and actually do read this. and to you - i love you!
Please feel that love surge into the atmosphere and wrap around you like a hug. I hope somewhere scattered amongst these web pages of my personal content you find something you needed to hear.
Just know that after every word falls from my fingertips, sirens of doubt ring loud in my head. That pressing publish makes my insides coil up and I spend the hours unwinding.
I battle myself. every. single. day. but I do know I'm gaining ground and that its not always going to be this hard. Im winning battles all the time and the war wont last forever, victory is right around the corner.